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Introducing your Partner to your Chastity Desires 

Is your Relationships ready for Chastity?

The two basic things needed for a chastity relationship to work are Honesty and Trust. Honesty because this is a game played by two people, and the needs of each of those people will define the rules of the game. Trust, because Chastity is based on inequality (one partner has power over the other) and inequality can lead to fear and further mistrust. Honesty, both with yourself as well as your partner, paves the way to better trust. Better trust means you can be more honest with each other, and so on.

I get many enquiries from men who would like to introduce male chastity to their relationships but are unsure how to suggest it to their partners. The men fall, more or less, into two groups.

For the first group, sexual relations, as well as the relationship as a whole, are pretty good, but they are afraid to suggest chastity out of embarrassment, or fear that their partner may think it a bit too much, or even ‘perverse’. It may be that their sex life already involves some form of fetish, or conversely has been somewhat unadventurous and they are looking at ways to spice things up.

Quite often, the solution for this ‘borderline’ group can be found in the way they introduce the subject of chastity to their partners, and information on this can be found on our previous page "Introducing your Partner".

For the second group the situation is a little different. They are finding it difficult because the relationship they have with their partner is strained or failing. Their sex life may have dwindled to almost nothing, they find it difficult to talk to each other, or they simply don’t get on. A number report their wives as being ‘a bit prudish’ or ‘thinks sex is dirty’. Although these are not typical, they are not uncommon, either.

If a couple are not having sex because of other difficulties in the relationship, then it is unlikely that the introduction of male chastity by itself will  re-kindle the flames of desire. If a partner sees sex more as a duty, or as something shameful, then the introduction of a device,  which was originally designed to combat ‘shameful’ sexual practices,  is unlikely to make that partner feel any more comfortable with the idea.

Often the counter to this is a cry of ‘But when I’m locked up, she knows I have to do everything she says. I’ll cook, clean, do anything she wants!’ Ideal on the surface but there is a hidden flaw in this argument, and it is something which so often overlooked by men who want to get an unwilling partner interested in male chastity: it isn’t what She wants.

Ask yourself this: ‘who do I really want this for?’ If you say ‘For my partner’ then you’re probably not being entirely honest with yourself. After all, you don’t know what she thinks of the idea yet.

If you answer ‘For both of us’ then you’re getting closer, but if we’re completely honest with ourselves the answer is ‘For me. I want it, because I want the submissive pleasure of being locked up, and all it entails’. There’s no doubt that fun can be had, and is had, night and day, by both partners, but the primary pleasure of male chastity as a fetish is all the man’s. He gets locked up; he gets the shivering excitement of having to serve and obey; and ultimately, he gets the pleasure of release.

Whilst this situation can be the promise of great fun to some, it can be quite frightening to others. With the release comes the assumption that the partner will do what is required of her to satisfy her man. If sex is not something your partner is particularly interested in, then a game where she is committed to having sex upon your release is probably not going to be what she wants either. Regardless of how much you do around the house!

If this is the situation you find yourself in then you may need to take some time to look at both your partner and your relationship with her. Be prepared to ask some searching questions like ‘what does she need from her relationship with me?’, ‘what isn’t she getting from me?’, ‘why isn’t she getting it?’

Being honest, it may be that there are a number of other issues you need to sort out with your partner before you can look at Chastity or chastity games, particularly if sex is already a problem. If your partner is reluctant to have sex with you, then this may need to be explored and resolved before you go any further. There is certainly a great deal of support and information out there for relationships, from books and videos to relationship counselling, so you don't have to deal with this all by yourself.

Male chastity has come a long way since Victorian times. Trust and honesty have replaced the suspicion and denial of that era, and the varied ways in which couples use chastity has given rise to nothing less than a community within the fetish world. Many couples use chastity to bring great excitement and pleasure to their relationships, and for many people the inequality imposed in the chastity relationship improves their relationship as a whole.  

The author is a male Counsellor with a private practice in the Nottingham area.